Sometimes we don’t always know who the audience is for these blogs, though it is fairly certain that in the end it is for the kids to read about their childhood. What started out as a listing of Curie’s milestones as a baby has become more. Elia is working hard to carve out an identity for herself and this has good and bad consequences especially when she sees identity as something that someone else does not do rather than owning the things she wants to do. So if Curie wants one thing, Elia will identify with another. Curie likes udon, so Elia wants ramen, and so on. Lately, Curie has done the reverse and is exceptionally helpful when Elia is misbehaving.
A lot of what is going on is a fight for parent attention. When Albert works with Curie on her homework, Elia calls out that he is spending too much time with Curie, and Curie has been made to see that time as Daddy/Daughter time. Elia constantly wants Albert to be the prince, or the king or the husband to her pretend time to claim his time and lately the two have been fighting over which parent to sit next to – Albert most recently to have three people on one side of the table in comparison to Erin on the other side.
Discipline is needed, but very very hard on the family. There has been more yelling recently about whining or crying or just listening. Albert has been trying to hold the kids when they are upset, but we worry we are slipping into patterns of how we were raised that aren’t necessarily what we wanted for our kids. It is not that our parents did not raise us well, it is that most parents do the best they can and we each of us try to do a little better for our own kids. Elia will make it a point not to react when asked to do something she doesn’t want to do, increasing the intensity of our reaction to the point where something innocuous or fun becomes a discipline moment. This is something we need to work on as they are kids getting, in all likelihood, mixed messages as they try to navigate the rules.
Elia said the other day that she did not want to go to school, Albert asked if she wanted to go to kindergarten, because that is what she wanted at the beginning of the year. Elia said no, and said she wanted to be a grown up like Albert. This made us sad, since we realize that the kids want to grow up so fast but we want them to appreciate and enjoy the fact that they are kids, so we toe the line between discipline and spoiling them working our way through parenting.
This month was Chicago, getting sick, and Halloween. We suspect that Elia was the first person to get sick since she caught a cough from school. After Chicago, Albert came down with a fever and a cough, followed by Curie with her 8 days of fever and pneumonia, with Erin finally catching the cold recently. We had fun in Chicago, but because Elia is so far apart in age from the other cousins, she did not have as much fun. Elia had the most attention from Albert’s mother with the other kids playing together and Curie just starting to be able to participate. When asked, Curie said that she wanted to play with the cousins more, and Elia saying that she did not. It is a function of when she was born and how long it will take for Erin’s sister to have kids in that Elia really does not have any cousins her age except for Taylor and Eric’s kids who are once removed.
Elia was going to be Hermione for Halloween, just like Curie, but in the weeks leading up to Halloween, Elia wanted more and more to wear Curie’s evil queen costume from two years ago. So for Halloween, Elia was the evil queen complete with her “‘(H)A,'(H)A,'(A)A” evil laugh. Elia loved trick or treating, declaring Halloween as her favorite holiday, even more than her birthday or Christmas, as expected though, Elia ran out of steam during trick-or-treating, and we let the kids eat a little of the candy along the way.
Some of the more memorable things of note: recently she has liked climbing up on Albert on the recliner and saying “let’s fight!” with her fierce fighting face, after which the two will tussle on the chair in a battle royale. Albert has also taken to using the “foot phone” which consists of talking to the kids on their feet and dialing their feet to tickle them. Elia has copied Curie and begun stepping on flagstones or pressing “buttons” for secret pass codes, and does them even when Curie is not around.
Elia still loves puzzles, fell in love with a steering wheel toy that Suephy had given us as a hand-me-down that we never opened when it was age appropriate for Curie. Elia loves mini ice cream cones, orange juice popsicles, and lemon sorbet.
In October, Erin went on a trip and Albert, Elia, and Curie made it to Dave and Buster’s twice and generally ran around while Erin was gone. They did spend time working with Curie’s homework but for the most part they spent time with Daddy. In time though they missed Erin and wanted her to come home. Elia, being the wonderful girl she is, said to Albert “I miss mommy.” Albert replied, she will be home soon. “I miss her, you be mommy.” “Okay, hi Elia! I’m mommy.” To this Elia said: “no, you are supposed to say: “don’t step on me!” If you don’t get it, check out the post where we all made fun of the things we say in bed.