May 3, 2023
If you should find that you are dating,
During the honored ritual of mating,
A person who seems obsessed with birds;
You may find yourself hiking,
Instead of running or biking,
Peering through a pair of expensive binoculars.
And you may be surprised,
That despite the rumors and the lies,
That, yes, birds are indeed real!
But you may be dismayed,
With nerves that may fray,
By your partner’s seeming overzealous zeal.
So I am giving you this guide,
As advice for you to mind,
So that you can at least identify the easy ones.
And who knows, you may discover,
That this hobby of your lover,
Is actually more than a little bit of fun.
A little brown bird on the ground,
Ones in bushes, so easily found,
Is most likely some kind of a sparrow.
If it is there, but bigger than the rest,
With a brown tail and bright red breast,
It’s a robin on the straight and narrow.
If it says “chickadee” it’s a chickadee,
And if it says “phoebe” it’s a phoebe,
These are pretty easy to identify;
A crow is black and says “Caw,”
Sometimes the biggest you ever saw,
And a catbird makes a meow or cat-like cry.
Big and red is a cardinal they say,
Big and blue? That one is a blue jay,
And a little blue one, well that is a bluebird.
If it pecks wood and is a home wrecker,
My friend, that is a woodpecker,
Little jackhammers and causing quite a stir.
If you see a bird circling above,
With wingtips that look like fingers or a glove,
It is a vulture, just make sure you are not bleeding.
A white-headed one is a bald eagle,
If not flying, standing tall looking regal,
Unless it is on some carrion upon which it is feeding.
If the bird is rather yellow,
I can’t help you identify this fellow,
But say it is a goldfinch and maybe you will have some luck.
During the day you probably won’t see an owl,
But sound smart if you are looking at waterfowl,
And say, “Look at the heron, or goose, or hey, is that a duck?”
I am sure you could go much deeper,
Identifying warblers, swallows, or sweepers,
But that is outside the realm of this little guide.
If after this, you still feel a little stricken,
Go find yourself a bucket of chicken,
Sure you like birds, and have nothing to hide.
An extra one:
(And if this guide doesn’t help you make it,
And if you need something to help you fake it,
Use Merlin ID along with Google Lens.
Or just point and say “There is a bird!”
Or ask “What was that that we just heard?
And remember you are among birder friends).