Why Do the French Hate the Fish?

Written June 14, 2020, recorded 1 AM June 15
Why Do the French Hate the Fish? Written June 14, 2020, Recorded June 15, 2020 Albert Chen

Why do the French hate the fish?
I look on the menu and see every single dish
To be fair, there’s sole meunière 
And there’s a lot, of matelote 
And indeed, there’s the bourride 
And I’d be sad, if there were no cotriade 
So why would I say the French hate ze fish?


We boldly eat the poultry, smitten eatin’ our chicken
And wow don’t eat the cow, while in relief we eat our beef,
And you’d be a prig to eat a pig, but we happily fork our pork,
It’s a gaffe to eat the calf, but with zeal we eat our veal

We shiver to eat our liver, but it’s okay to have pate
We’d be damned to eat a lamb, but we’re a glutton for our mutton,
We fail to eat a snail, but don’t know its escargot,
We’re a snob for eating squab, but not a smidgen of pigeon.

Have some calamari with Matahari, but god forbid we eat the squid
Eating venison with Tennyson, means we fear to eat the deer.
It’s a paradox that we’ll eat the ox and we would yak to eat the yak
Well we do eat some game and rabbit, but it’s not a real big habit.

But there is no masking or even asking, no moment of wonder or blunder,
That there’s no euphemism for fish barbarism or even some odd schism,
You see it’s not called poisson, or some other French pun, 
Because to be offered poison would simply leave you stunned. 

Eating poisson instead of fish would leave seafood undone…
Taking poison instead of seafood would leave a restaurant shunned
Eat them all, they are all so delish and, maybe just maybe, 
The French don’t hate ze fish. 

Trout and bass, escolar and grouper,
Haddock and perch, albacore and croaker,
Salmon and smelt, mackerel and sole,
Sardine and breem, sturgeon and flounder.

Cod and shad, snapper and roughy,
Herring and whiting, anchovy and mahi,
Walleye and pike, tilapia and tuna,
Catfish swordfish, bonito and porgy.

Eat them all, they are all so delish 
And just maybe, maybe, maybe 
Maybe, maybe, maybe,
Maybe, maybe, maybe,
The French don’t hate ze fish. 

The French don’t hate their fish.