The Rules of a Stick- to the tune of Life I Lead

September 20, 2020

When is a stick C not a stick? G
Is it by chance G a branch F if it’s still on the tree? C
Does it have to be found Em upon F  the ground?
When is a stick G not a stick? C

>Hey doofus, it has to have fallen on the ground.
Who makes these rules?
>I don’t know!

When is a stick still a stick?
Is it a stick when it still has a leaf or three?
Can it have a branch or two before it becomes a broom?
When does a stick stop being a stick?

>You’ve got to lose the leaves buddy
Why?
>Just because!

Just how thick must it be to be a stick?
Can it be a limb upon the ground?
If it can be carried by a dog even if it’s a log?
Would that still be considered a stick?

>No more than an inch or two in diameter, dude, anything bigger is firewood
Really?
>Yes!

When is a stick not a stick?
Can it flop around like a willow branch?
Tell me who is the fool who makes these rules?
If I can use it as a whip is it still a stick?

>It’s got to be stiff! No floppy stems or vines.
Stiff, got it.
>Yes! Just get on with it!

How long does it have to be to be a stick?
After a foot or two does it become a staff?
If it’s longer than two or three, does it become a tree?
How long is a stick?

>Just a foot or two, man
Who says?
>Don’t overthink this!

Is a piece of kindling still considered a stick?
Or does it have to have bark all around?
Is a dowel or stave still the same?
Can it be milled to be a stick?

>Naw man! You have to find it, you can’t just buy it or make it!
Okay, okay!
>Geez!

So let me see if I got this right

These are the rules of being a stick.
A stick can’t still be on the tree or on the bush
It can’t be too long or too short or have any leaves
It can’t be bought or made but should just be found

>You’ve got it! You’ve got it!

One of its traits is that it’s relatively straight
It can’t be too thick and still be a stick
It should be stiff and sound and not flop around…
And you have to just find it on the ground.

A stick has to be found on the ground!

>You got it!
This is really stupid, l’m going home…
>No wait…
Seriously, I’m going home
>Come back here! Come back here!

Go stick it where the sun don’t shine!

The Rules of a Stick Song idea by Erin. Written September 20, 2020, Rough cut recorded September 23, 2020
Same song but with a last rejoinder suggested by Cy