January 30, 2021
I find I write more toward the end of my life
I am more unsure and begin to lose sight
I find myself paralyzed and hesitating
What used to be right instead of righteous
I have lost the light amidst this crisis
Of faith and hope and endless debating.
As I go through each day I feel like I am drowning
Under this weight, I can only hear them shouting
And I scream as my soul is slowly cut to shreds
I live in fear and can’t figure it out
With anxiety and panic and stark self-doubt
I worry about (what it is that can’t be said).
So I tell you right now I don’t have any answers.
I may sound like the truth, but that doesn’t really matter
When all that is, there is a hollowness within.
And in the end, really, none of this matters
No one cares if your psyche is in tatters
Because everyone is expected to play and win.
I hope it is okay that I share what I feel
To show that the facade simply is not real
That the calm on the face is frankly just a mask
And losing control is such an anathema
Getting through life takes so much stamina
And we are expected to know and never to ask.