Written July 23, 2020. The title itself is a play on Star Trek Next Generation’s S3 E4.
So my partner and I decided to get serious
About how much we love birds…they make us delirious,
We watch them and greet them (and occasionally eat them)
But wanted to learn…how to help them and to treat them
With compassion and concern, we seemed to grow sweet on them
And we wanted to know how we could do more for them
So what do you call us if we just want to preserve, and conserve them?
Not to catch them or deplete them but just want to observe them?
The one who studies, is called an Ornithologist
But without a degree, we are just an apologist
As a devotee we could be Orinthophites
But somehow oh somehow that isn’t quite right
To say we love them would make us Ornithophiles
But all that Latin is simply out of style
We asked our friends, who said just don’t be Trekkies
Who are fans who have lost touch with their own reality
A fan who is a Trekker enjoys with both feet on the ground.
A stance that makes sense and is both true and sound
If you look at birds while you are traveling,
Apparently you are a Bird Watcher, which is just dazzling
They say Birders do more, and aren’t just talkers
But to travel to see them, doesn’t that make them bird stalkers?
If we LOVE birds, as we enter our thirties
We’re more than just Trekkers, so why aren’t we Birdies?
But if you think about it we are just out of luck
Because it’s another word for a badminton shuttlecock.
So this is exhausting…
We watched them and greeted them,
But were eventually defeated by them
We had a Big Year and found we got sick of them
And one day, so tired, we took down our feeders,
Having been bored for seeing so many repeaters
We got hungry for chicken, and after a while
We realized we’re not Birders, we’re simply “Poultriophiles.”
Here are two versions, spoken word and vocal, which do you like better?