A Crowing Rooster Production
(c)1996 Crowing Rooster
Based on Short Stories by Albert Chen
(c)1995 Albert Chen
Additional Original Material By Crowing Rooster
Crowing Roosters are:
Albert Chen
George Hsin
Yischon Liaw
Chi Mao
Characters:
(Note: The only characters whose names are mentioned in the play are the Sandra, Bill, and Dave. All other names are for writing purposes only.)
Internet Couple:
Sandra
Bill
Couple to Fall in Love:
Calvin
Yuki
Couple to be Married:
Ellroy
Audrey
Couple to Fall Out:
PETER
JANICE
Other Characters:
Dave
INT: AN OFFICE BUILDING.
<We are in an office of Sandra, a young professional. She is typing online with Bill, a long distance relationship. We are focused on her computer terminal screen. The following dialogue is occurring in real-time on the screen. Note, the typing on the screen is deliberately misspelled to indicated a unfamiliarity with the system.
BILL
You’re late.
SANDY
Sory, I jad troub;e gettong on. 🙁
BILL
That’s ok.
SANDY
Have you been waiting long?
BILL
Abot 10 mintes.
SANDY
Sorry 🙁
BILL
That’s ok. 😉
SANDY
🙂
BILL
So, what’s up?
SANDY
Not much really. Been pretty busy.
BILL
Work okay?
SANDY
The same, you know how it is.
BILL
College reunion is coming up; Are you going?
SANDY
Without you? That’d be weird.
BILL
You should go.
SANDY
Not by myself.
BILL
How about that guy you knnow, What’s his name?
SANDY
Dave?
BILL
Yeah, he seems like a nice guy, and it wouldnt mean aytthing right? Its just for the reunion.
SANDY
Maybe, I’ll thik about it.
BILL
You have to go. you have to get all the jucy gossip and tell me about it. I’d go if I could. =)
SANDY
🙂
I miss you.
BILL
Its only been a week.
SANDY
I miss you anyway.
BILL
I miss you too. XOXO
SANDY
:* I wish you weren’t so far away. *sigh*/
BILL
I wish I could just call you.
SANDY
You know your phone bill is too big already. *SIGH*
BILL
🙁 STop that. I only have one more year left.
SANDY
I know. But I still can miss you.
BILL
I miss you too. No one said log distane would be easy.What can we do about it?
SANDY
I don’t know.
Screw it, I have to tal;kj toyou.
<SANDY grabs the phone but the only sound that comes out is modem noise.
NO CARRIER
<As she slowly hangs up, she looks out the window. PETER is walking
EXT: FINANCIAL DISTRICT
<PETER, the young man, is walking. Suddenly, something on the ground attracts his eyes. Appearing perplexed, PETER pauses, and protectively picks up the picture. As he looks at the picture, the camera pans onto it. It is a picture of AUDREY. Looking up from the picture, PETER scans the scenery but does not see anyone who could have dropped the picture. He looks down at the picture and back up. PETER sees that a couple, YUKI and CALVIN, are walking towards him. They are talking.
YUKI
They’ve only been dating for 3 months!
CALVIN
What the hell, maybe she was the right one, maybe he was just ready, I don’t know, I mean, I couldn’t handle that. I’m only 26. Hell, I can’t even take care of my plants!
YUKI
Well, I guess some guys are just more mature. Look at Mark and Jamie, they already have kids. And, she’s pregnant again.
CALVIN
Too weird. So when are you going to get married?
YUKI
To who?
CALVIN
To whom.
YUKI
That’s what I just asked you.
CALVIN
No, no. WHOM! WHO-Ma! I was just correcting your English.
YUKI
What are you an English major?
<YUKI is rolling her eyes. CALVIN all of the sudden shoves her to one side.
YUKI
What was that for?
<CALVIN points to the ground at some dog droppings that YUKI had almost stepped in.
CALVIN
Dog shit, you almost stepped into it.
YUKI
Oh. Thanks. I guess I owe you.
CALVIN
I guess you do.
<Grinning, CALVIN bends over and peers into the droppings.
YUKI
What are you doing?
CALVIN
Checking to see if it was a wild dog or something. You know, only domestic dogs have such smooth consistancy in their feces.
YUKI
That’s gross.
CALVIN
Not as gross as your complaint about guys leaking around the toilet bowl.
YUKI
I have carpeting in my bathroom! I don’t want any urine in my carpet, who knows what might grow! Anyway that wasn’t gross. That whole shiver thing was gross. We were in public too.
CALVIN
But it’s true! Most guys, and some girls have the shiver.
YUKI
I don’t get it, I just don’t understand.
CALVIN
So you are one of those women that doesn’t get it, no big deal, right? God just gave some of us a mini-orgasm when we go to the bathroom. After all, the Japanese say that you masturbate when you are young, you have sex as an adult, and you urinate when you are old.
<YUKI rolls her eyes again in exasperation.
YUKI
Yeah but why?
CALVIN
Like I said God just wanted some of us to have a mini-orgasm when we urinate.
<CALVIN grins triumphantly.
YUKI
So God gave you that sphinchter cramp problem for pleasure too?
<YUKI is grinning too. CALVIN’s grin falters.
CALVIN
Hey, that’s a personal problem!
<YUKI just smiles sweetly. They resume walking. After a pause:
CALVIN
Five year reunion coming up.
YUKI
Yeah, you going?
CALVIN
Thinking about it. You?
YUKI
I guess. You going with Charlene?
CALVIN
Probably not.
YUKI
Why, what’s going on?
<CALVIN and YUKI enter the cafe. The sign over the door says KISMET CAFE..
INT: KISMET CAFE
<YUKI and CALVIN continue talking as we follow them to their seats.
CALVIN
She’s nice but I don’t think we’re going to work out in the long run.
YUKI
So why don’t you break up.
CALVIN
Yeah, I would, but I don’t want to have to go through that whole beginning thing again.
YUKI
Beginning thing? What do you mean?
CALVIN
You know, the mind game thing, the trying to impress each other thing, the small talk thing, the the the
YUKI
The speech impediment thing.
CALVIN
Yeah that whole thing too.
YUKI
I told you to just stay friends with her. You could do better.
CALVIN
I know, I know, but I’m incorrigable right? So you want to go to the reunion with me…
<CALVIN grins broadly. We barely see YUKI shake her head in exasperation when we switch from YUKI and CALVIN’s conversation to ELLROY and AUDREY. ELLROY and AUDREY are sitting in the cafe flipping through some newly developed pictures. Having overheard the last part of YUKI and CALVIN’s conversation, they exchange knowing glances.
INT Kismet Cafe
AUDREY
I’m glad we’re not still single.
ELLROY
But we are.
AUDREY
You know what I mean. We’re not married.
ELLROY
Yeah, but we’re still single.
AUDREY
But we’re together. And we’re committed… AND we’re not playing mind games… right?
ELLROY
Uh, I’ll have to think about that one.
<ELLROY grins. She hits him on the arm, hard. Mood is playful.
ELLROY
Ow! Quit it. I was just kidding!
AUDREY
Sorry, reflex. After all hitting is a sign of affection.
ELLROY
I’m supposed to know that?
AUDREY
Yes, you are.
ELLROY
So we ARE still playing mind games.
AUDREY
No, just me.
ELLROY
Didn’t you say that we didn’t do that anymore.
AUDREY
Women’s perrogative I guess.
ELLROY
I guess.
AUDREY
Anyway, we’re just playing, the terrible stuff is the kind of mindgames that really hurt.
ELLROY
Did we do that?
AUDREY
I didn’t.
ELLROY
Oh, and I did?
AUDREY
I didn’t say that.
<AUDREY smiles triumphantly. The waiter arrives with a fancy looking drink. He places it in front of AUDREY.
WAITER
Here’s your raspberry mocha.
AUDREY
(looking at ELLROY)
I didn’t order this.
ELLROY
I ordered it for you while you were in the bathroom.
AUDREY
What, I can’t order for myself?
ELLROY
I didn’t say that, I just thought you might like it.
AUDREY
(Speaking as if it were a terrible thing.)
Chivalry rises from the dead again.
<AUDREY sets aside the pictures and looks down at the drink, a little awed at the toppings.
AUDREY
So…, what is it?
ELLROY
Guess.
AUDREY
I don’t know.
ELLROY
Try it.
<AUDREY takes a sip.
AUDREY
(smiles)
Raspberry mocha?
ELLROY
A Java Lava, A double half-decaf non-fat raspberry mocha with a twist and chocolate sprinkles on the side.
AUDREY
You need an interpreter to drink here.
<AUDREY takes a another sip.
AUDREY
It’s good. Here, have some.
ELLROY
From your cup? Who knows what communicable diseases you might have.
<She gives him a evil glare.
AUDREY
Anything I have you have already gotten from me from other less innocent means.
ELLROY
So true, so true. Okay, let me try some.
<ELLROY tries a sip.
It is pretty good.
AUDREY
Isn’t it? Its fabulous.
ELLROY
I knew you’d like it; That’s why I ordered it!
AUDREY
(Sarcastically)
Always thinking of me.
ELLROY
Yep, that’s me!
AUDREY
(Smiling)
Yeah, right.
<Silence besets them. ELLROY fiddles around with the drink, stirring or swirling the mug. AUDREY watches him and enjoys watching him. As she watches, he is oblivious to her staring; But then, he looks up.
ELLROY
What?
AUDREY
Nothing.
ELLROY
What? Do I have somthing on my face? What?
AUDREY
Nothing.
ELLROY
Then what are you staring at?
AUDREY
Nothing, just you. You’re cute when you’re contemplative. It’s beautiful.
ELLROY
I’m beautiful?
AUDREY
Yeah, beautiful.
ELLROY
(grinning)
Oh stop it. You’re just saying that to get me in bed.
<AUDREY hits him hard again.
ELLROY
Ow! Better be affection. Now I wish I were ugly so you’d stop hitting me.
AUDREY
You are, and I love you.
ELLROY
I love you too. (Pseudo-under-his-breath.) Even if you are calling me ugly now. I wish you’d make up your mind….
<AUDREY looks detatched and contemplative. She starts flipping through the pictures again, comes to one and pauses. She looks a little worried.
What’s that?
AUDREY
My parents.
<She shows him a picture of her parents in a home setting.
ELLROY
Where is that?
AUDREY
At their new home, in the living room.
ELLROY
They look so… settled.
AUDREY
What’s that supposed to mean?
ELLROY
You know. Like settled in their ways. Settled in a home. I guess lots of things.
AUDREY
I guess.
<AUDREY pauses and thinks, then looks a little worried.
My parents were asking if I was seeing anyone again.
ELLROY
What did you say?
AUDREY
I told them we were hanging out, but I didn’t tell them how far along we were.
ELLROY
You mean they don’t know we’re together? As a couple?
AUDREY
No, not really.
ELLROY
Why not? Are you ashamed of me?
AUDREY
No, I just don’t want to rock the boat.
ELLROY
Rock the boat? What, we’re on a cruise here?
AUDREY
No. I just don’t think they’re expecting someone like you.
ELLROY
Because I’m chinese?
AUDREY
Yes… No… I don’t know.
ELLROY
So, what are they expecting?
AUDREY
I don’t know.
ELLROY
Jeez, what are you waiting for?
AUDREY
I don’t know! I guess I’m afraid my parents will find a reason not to like you.
ELLROY
(jokingly)
What’s there not to like about me?
<AUDREY hits him.
Ow!
AUDREY
Affection!
<ELLROY looks at his watch.
ELLROY
You ready to go?
<AUDREY nods. They get up and leave. The camera pans to DAVE, who is sitting at a table, alone. PETER walks by the cafe. With a newspaper under his arm and the picture in his hand
EXT Kismet Cafe
DAVE
Hey dude! What’s up, man?
PETER
God, I didn’t see you. How are you doing?
<Sits down with him
DAVE
You’re gonna have your daily caffine injection?
PETER
I’m gonna have to skip it today. I forgot to go to the ATM; only had enough for this paper.
DAVE
I’ll spot you… Double espresso, right?
PETER
Yeah.
DAVE
Anything else?
PETER
Naw that’s okay. I’ll pay you back later right?
DAVE
Don’t worry about it.
PETER
Thanks.
<DAVE brushes it off and goes to buy the coffee. PETER tosses the paper onto the table and peers somewhat obsessively at the picture. He sighs leans back rubs his eyes with his palms and pust the picture away in his wallet. He then opens the paper and pulls out the sports section. PETER flips through the pages of the sports section. DAVE returns with two coffees, a container of creamer, and a package of sugar. He sits across the table from PETER.
DAVE
That the sports page?
PETER
Yeah, you want it?
DAVE
Sure.
<DAVE takes the section and starts flipping through it. PETER, like a coffee neophyte can be seen putting seven packs of sugar into his espresso.
What have you heard about that center that the LA picked up from Montana State?
PETER
Oh, you mean that “albatross” dude; What’s his name?… Vaughn?
DAVE
Yeah, Fontello Vaughn
PETER
He averaged something like 26 points a game in the Big 8 or something. He supposed to have a great hook shot.
<PETER sips his coffee in distaste and then adds more sugar. DAVE responds.
DAVE
Hook shot… Man, that shot is unstoppable, but soooo ugly. I mean, it’s so ugly that it shouldn’t even be worth two points.
PETER
A score is a score, like women you know?
DAVE
Maybe basketball should have style points too, women sure do.
PETER
No way man. Basketball would turn into ballet or synchronized swimming or something.
DAVE
They don’t judge ballet though.
PETER
Okay, gymnastics then, you know what I mean.
DAVE
Yeah, I guess so.
<PETER folds the sports page, picks up the rest of the newspaper, and sets it on an unoccupied chair next to him. DAVE sips at his coffee.
PETER
Do you always sit by yourself? I hate sitting by myself, even if it’s just coffee.
DAVE
Yeah? It’s not too bad.
PETER
Aren’t you afraid people will think you’re a loser?
DAVE
No more than I worry that people think we’re gay for sitting together.
PETER
I’m not gay.
DAVE
Didn’t say you were.
PETER
Damn straight.
<Silence for a while.
DAVE
What you been up to?
PETER
Aw, took the old woman to see some stupid art flick “Tres Pintores,” or something. Something about Mexican painters.
DAVE
How was it, anyway? Isn’t about Diego Rivera and Frieda Kahlo, or something like that?
PETER
Yeah, something like that, she loved it—— but she likes all those fucking foreign films. Sometimes she’s so artsy. What I wouldn’t give for a good action flick.
DAVE
Yeah, you gonna see that new flick, whatsitcalled, Deathaxe?
PETER
I wish, the old bitch wants to go see some movie called The Couch, by some French guy.
DAVE
Too bad.
<DAVE gets up to go to the bathroom.
Gotta take a leak. Watch my stuff okay?
PETER
Yeah sure.
<DAVE leaves. PETER opens his wallet and looks at the picture of AUDREY again. PETER doesn’t notice when DAVE comes back.
DAVE
What’s that?
PETER
Check it out. I just found it on the ground.
DAVE
When?
PETER
Just now, when I got the paper.
<DAVE inspects the picture closely.
PETER
I don’t know what it is,… but she’s hot.
DAVE
Got you by the balls, eh?
PETER
I don’t know about that, mesmerizes me though.
DAVE
Wait a minute, isn’t that around here?
<PETER grabs the picture from DAVE.
PETER
Let me see that. Hey yeah. That is right here.
DAVE
I wonder if she’s available. I’d kill to go out with her.
PETER
I’d kill YOU to go out with her.
DAVE
Hey man, you’re married.
PETER
Like that matters.
DAVE
Do you know who she is?
PETER
Nope, I just found the picture.
DAVE
She must live around here, though.
PETER
Yeah…. probably.
DAVE
Are you gonna keep it?
PETER
Yeah.
DAVE
Let me have it, your old lady won’t let you keep it.
PETER
How do you know? It’s just a picture. I don’t even know who she is.
DAVE
She’ll be pissed. You can’t take just take a picture of some chick home to your wife.
PETER
With her I could. It’s just a picture. It’s not like I’m cheating on her or anything.
DAVE
She’s going to make you throw it away.
PETER
No way. She won’t let something like a picture get to her.
INT. PETER and JANICE’s house.
<PETER and JANICE are standing across a hall from each other, each in a doorway. There is a Kismet Cafe mug on the coffee table in the background.
JANICE
I said, “I want you to throw that away.”
PETER
No!
<PETER pulls it away out of her reach and then clasps the picture to his chest.
JANICE
Whaddaya doing? You act like it was your girlfriend or something. Who is that?
PETER
I don’t know. I just found it.
JANICE
Who is it?
PETER
I said, I don’t know.
JANICE
Then why do you have it?
PETER
I don’t know.
JANICE
You bring a fucking picture of a total stranger, hug it around as if it were your mistress or some fucking priceless treasure and you don’t know why you have it.
PETER
It’s not a treasure.
JANICE
Well, you’re acting as if it were.
<PETER notices that he’s hugging the picture and pulls it away looking at it.
PETER
I just found the picture interesting.
JANICE
So you find her interesting?
PETER
That’s not what I said. Stop fucking around with what I say
JANICE
I hate it when you’re hiding something, you’re probably jacking off with it or something
PETER
What? You don’t trust me?
JANICE
Like you’ve ever given me anything to trust you for.
PETER
That was a long time ago. You just don’t let go do you?
JANICE
Why should I? You’re only half a man around me anyway.
<JANICE turns away to avoid his reaction. Unable to react, PETER just seethes
Anyway, this has nothing to do with trust.
PETER
What do you mean it has nothing to do with trust? This has everything to do with trust. I haven’t done anything wrong and you don’t trust me. Its just a fucking picture for Christs sake!
JANICE
Fine, then throw it away.
PETER
Damn it! It’s just a picture.
JANICE
I don’t like it.
PETER
It’s just a harmless picture.
JANICE
Harmless? That’s a laugh. A strange dirty picture, that you want to fuck.
PETER
Oh, come on stop that. It’s not that kind of picture.
JANICE
You know what I mean.
PETER
She looks more than decent.
JANICE
Well, she’s probably a slut.
PETER
How can you call her a slut? You don’t know her.
JANICE
And you do?
PETER
(angrily)
No.
<PETER and JANICE pause and glare at each other.
Why do you always have to be so jealous?
JANICE
You give me reason to be.
PETER
I’m not cheating on you.
JANICE
I never said that you were. Unless you are. You must be feeling guilty about something, or you wouldn’t have brought that out of the blue like that.
PETER
I’m NOT cheating on you.
JANICE
Then give me the picture.
PETER
What are you going to do?
JANICE
If you want me to trust you, give me the picture.
PETER
Don’t wreck it or anything.
<PETER reluctantly hands the picture to JANICE. JANICE grabs the photograph out of PETER’s hands, crumples it up, and throws it into the garbage can. PETER heads for the can.
JANICE
Don’t you dare.
<PETER tries to sidestep JANICE but she blocks him. He changes direction, but she follows. He treis to muscle his way past her, but she puts both hands on his chest and puts her weight against him struggling wildly.
You damn SHIT! You damn SHIT! You damn SHIT!
PETER
Fuck you!
JANICE
(Crying.)
Fuck you!
PETER
Fine!
<Pissed off, PETER brushes her aside and walks out and slamming the door. We blur on JANICE sobbing and focus on the crumpled picture in the trash.
INT. Apartment room
<Fade to black. Fade in to conversation between YUKI and CALVIN in their respective apartment rooms. YUKI is drinking tea from a Kismet Cafe mug.
CALVIN
So, you really think they have to hand weld all of the different parts of shopping carts?
YUKI
Yeah, how else would they do it?
CALVIN
I don’t know, a machine?
YUKI
I guess so.
<Silence.
YUKI
What do you think is better, a good katsu-don or a good chirashi?
CALVIN
Where did this come from?
YUKI
Oh, I don’t know, does it matter?
CALVIN
Not really I guess.
YUKI
So what do you think is better?
CALVIN
I’m not sure you can compare them, I mean, I think you have to be in the mood for one or the other. After all, chirashi is served cold and katsu-don is usually served hot.
YUKI
Maybe… You’re right about having to be in the mood for chirashi, but I think a good katsu-don is good any time.
CALVIN
You and your katsu-don. You like any kind of donburi. I’m not really in the mood for rice right now though. Personally, I’d rather have a noodle soup of some kind.
YUKI
Mmm. That sounds good. What kind? Udon? Ramen?
CALVIN
Ramen? Hm, I was thinking Pho at the time, but ramen sounds really good right about now. Shoyu ramen, extra pork. Piping hot soup and fresh springy noodles topped with lightly salted pork slices and scalded bamboo shoots…
YUKI
Stop it! You’re making me hungry!
CALVIN
Hey, you brought it up.
YUKI
No I didn’t.
CALVIN
Yes you did. You started with your donburi, which led to my pho, then to ramen.
YUKI
Okay, okay, but you are making me hungry.
<They are silent for a moment as they envision ramen.
CALVIN
How crazy do you feel?
YUKI
What do you mean?
CALVIN
Exactly that, do you feel crazy enough to to get some ramen right now?
YUKI
Now as in now?
CALVIN
Yeah, what other kind of now is there?
YUKI
Um… sure. Where would we go at this hour?
CALVIN
I know this place that’s open 24 hours a day.
YUKI
Well then, what are we waiting for?
CALVIN
I’ll come over and pick you up.
YUKI
Okay, see you soon. Bye.
CALVIN
Bye.
INT. AUDREY and ELLROY’s apartment
<AUDREY and ELLROY enter their apartment carrying groceries.
ELLROY
… we really do need to get your car fixed.
AUDREY
Why? We’re doing fine without it.
ELLROY
I know, but it would be nice, especially when we go shopping.
AUDREY
True, true… It would be nice for road trips too. We can take it in tomorrow morning or something…. Here get the water boiling; I’ll start cutting the cellantro.
<They cook for a while. They are in synch and thank each other at every step. They let the fresh clams sit in a pot of water, press the garlic, cut the onions, etc. In the middle puts away coffee from Kismet Cafe. The water in the pasta pot starts to boil again.
AUDREY
(referring to the pasta)
Is it ready?
ELLROY
I don’t know. Let’s see.
<ELLROY Opens the pot and picks up a strand. Throws it against the window. It sticks.
ELLROY
(Grins)
It’s ready.
<AUDREY sighs and shakes her head.
AUDREY
The sauce is ready too.
<He washes the pasta in a colander and pours the linguini into the sauce pan. She tosses the mixture while he gets some matte black plates and sets them onto the meticulously arranged table. He gets silverware and napkins while she serves the pasta. As he pops open a bottle of white wine, she grates parmesan cheese over the dishes.
AUDREY
Would you like some cheese?
ELLROY
Yes, please.
<AUDREY grinds some cheese over ELLROY’s dish.
AUDREY
Say when.
ELLROY
(immediately)
When.
AUDREY
I meant… oh never mind.
ELLROY
(At the appropriate time)
When.
<They sit down and begin to eat.
ELLROY
So, what do you have planned for tomorrow?
AUDREY
I want to requisition an upgrade of the computer system.
ELLROY
Is that going to be a lot of trouble?
AUDREY
Not really, it’s just that too many people are wasting time online these days and not really doing their work.
ELLROY
Playing games?
AUDREY
Email, I think. Anyway, we’re going to set up a firewall to limit access.
ELLROY
Cool.
<Comfortable silence while they eat and sip their wine.
AUDREY
Is your linguini okay?
ELLROY
Okay, I guess. Maybe a little too firm.
AUDREY
It might not be done. Just because it sticks to the wall doesn’t mean it’s done.
ELLROY
You think?
AUDREY
Yeah, I think.
<She picks up their plates and scrapes the linguini back into the pot on the stove. She adds some water to the mixture and then sets it to boil.
ELLROY
It never tastes quite right again when you reheat it this way.
AUDREY
Well, what are we going to do, eat it raw? Starve?
ELLROY
True, true.
<ELLROY goes to the cabinet and gets the Kismet Coffee, dumps some beans into the coffee grinder and grinds it. AUDREY stirs the pasta. He then places some grounds into the French press, fills the kettle with water, places it on the stove, and turns the stove to high. He then reaches his arms around her waist, leaning against her while and looks over into the pot. She reaches around with her free arm and hugs him. They lean against each other, watching the water boil.
ELLROY
(Out of the blue)
Let’s get married.
AUDREY
Well, where did that come from?
ELLROY
We just feel so right together, you know?
AUDREY
I know, but marriage?
ELLROY
Why not? Can you think of any reason why we shouldn’t?
<She pauses for a moment.
AUDREY
No, not really, but marriage?
<He doesn’t answer, so she looks up and searches his eyes out. He looks back with very loving eyes.
AUDREY
(She states as if trying on the word.)
Marriage,… Married.
ELLROY
Okay?
<AUDREY smiles at him as the kettle begins to whistle.
EXT. YUKI’s apartment.
<CALVIN picks up YUKI in front of her apartment.
YUKI
You look cute.
CALVIN
What do you mean?
YUKI
You have bed-head.
<YUKI Rumples his hair. They drive over to the shop.
Int Ramen Shop
<CALVIN and YUKI are sitting in the shop next to each other.
YUKI
What does the menu say? I forgot my eyeballs.
CALVIN
<CALVIN proceeds to read the menu for her.
YUKI
What are you getting?
CALVIN
The usual, Shoyu ramen, extra pork.
YUKI
Don’t they have katsu-don here?
<She nudges him.
CALVIN
It’s a ramen shop for goodness sakes!
YUKI
I know, I know, I’m kidding.
<YUKI acknowledges the owner.
YUKI
(To the owner)
Shoyu ramen for me too.
<They sip tea for a while.
YUKI
Do you like to travel?
CALVIN
Yeah, don’t you?
YUKI
If you had the opportunity to go to Europe, would you go?
CALVIN
Of course, wouldn’t anybody?
YUKI
I don’t know. My father is planning a trip to promote his new book, you know. He asked me if I wanted to go with him.
CALVIN
That’s an opportunity of a lifetime. When would you go?
YUKI
Soon.
CALVIN
How soon?
YUKI
Day after tomorrow.
CALVIN
Day after tomorrow? Why didn’t you tell me?….You won’t make the reunion then.
YUKI
I guess not. Sorry.
<Uncomfortable pause.
Dad’s getting older now and I think he really wants a travelling companion. Opportunity not-withstanding, I think I should go with him. Father daughter bonding, you know?
<Another pause, as CALVIN comes to grips.
CALVIN
I know. Sorry about blowing up. I think that would be great for the both of you. How long is the tour supposed to be?
YUKI
Three months
CALVIN
Three months. What will I do for three months without anyone to talk to?
YUKI
You have other friends.
CALVIN
Not like you though, (almost to himself.) not like you.
YUKI
Hey its not like its forever you know.
<CALVIN looks at her, her eyes moistened with tears. He puts an arm around her shoulders and hugs her. She leans back and hugs back. The ramen arrives a moment later.
INT. Basement of PETER and JANICE’s home
<Shock cut to PETER hitting a heavybag. He’s working out, bouncing up and down, hitting the bag and working up a sweat.
INT. Bedroom of PETER and JANICE.
<JANICE is searching through pants pockets. We can hear the punching of the bag in the background. Occasionally the punching stops, which then causes JANICE to look up towards the door. As the punching resumes, she also continues to search through other pants and locations.
EXT. Outside of PETER and JANICE’s house.
<Dave drives up and walks up to the front door.
INT. Bedroom
<JANICE finds PETER’s wallet and flips through it. She pulls out some money and surrepititiously puts it in her pocket. She’s about to put the wallet away when she notices a crumpled picture in the wallet. She pulls it out. It is the crumpled picture of AUDREY. The doorbell rings from the front door.
INT. Basement
<PETER is punching. We hear faintly a doorbell in the background. PETER reacts and stops punching. PETER listens.
PETER
(shouting)
Is that the door?
INT Bedroom
<JANICE fumbles and drops the wallet and picture, some coins spilling.
JANICE
(shouting)
What?
INT Basement
PETER
(shouting from afar)
Is someone at the door?
INT. Bedroom
<JANICE panicking, hurriedly picks at the strewn objects and tries to put things back.
JANICE
(shouting)
I’ll get it.
<JANICE puts the picture back incorrectly in the fold of the wallet and puts the wallet back in the pants pocket. She kicks at the coins, sweeping them under the bed.
EXT. Front door
<DAVE is waiting, gets a little impatient and reaches for the doorbell again.
INT. Basement
<The doorbell rings again. Coins rattling against each other and the floor can be heard. Frustrated, PETER walks out of the basement and begins to remove his gloves.
PETER
(angrily to himself)
Jeez, is she going to answer the door?
INT. Foyer of front door
<JANICE looking a little worried (from panic) walks towards the front door. She opens the door to DAVE.
JANICE
Oh, hi. He’s in the basement, I think.
DAVE
Thanks.
<DAVE walks in. PETER is seen coming up the hallway.
Hey, what’s up?
PETER
(greeting with a two-handed punch)
Hey, not much. Let’s go downstairs.
INT. Basement
<DAVE and PETER enter the room. PETER puts his gloves back on and starts hitting the bag.
PETER
So, what’s up?
<DAVE walks over and instictively holds the bag.
DAVE
Nothing much, whats up you?
PETER
Not much.
DAVE
Working out?
<PETER stops punching and looks at DAVE
PETER
Taking out my frustrations. I got into a fight with JANICE
<Instinctively, DAVE braces himself for the impact. PETER throws an haymaker with all his strength.
DAVE
Whoa!
PETER
That woman just pisses me off sometimes!
<PETER throws another haymaker.
DAVE
Guess you won’t be getting any tonight.
PETER
That’s nothing new. I havent gotten any in a couple of months. Even when I do get some, I don’t enjoy it. She never comes anymore anyway so I just do my job, finish, then roll over and go to sleep. Might as well rub.
DAVE
So youve been rubbing a lot
PETER
Yeah. What of it?
<PETER pretends he is fighting someone and head fakes.
DAVE
Well, don’t go to the point of chafage.
PETER
You gotta use something.
DAVE
I know, but I dont like it when it gets greasy.
PETER
Try conditioner. It just washes away. And it makes your hair softer too.
<They both grin.
DAVE
(Sarcastically)
Sigh. You gotta love the life of a single man.
PETER
Oh come on, I envy you. I’ve been with the same woman for 8 years. You get different girls all the time…
<PETER throws a combination, left right left.
DAVE
But you get it more when you’re married… usually. Sorry dude.
PETER
No sweat,man.
<DAVE walks over to the bench press, lies down one it and starts to casually do repetitions. DAVE begins to struggle a little after the 8th or 9th rep. DAVE sits up on the bench
DAVE
So, what are you going to do now that the wife is holding out on you?
PETER
I’ve got a new scene.
DAVE
Whats that?
PETER
Remember that picture of that girl?
DAVE
The one you found on the ground?
PETER
Yeah, that one. I can’t seem to get her out of my mind. I end up doing the rub to her, you know?
DAVE
Whatever…
<PETER is visibly bothered. PETER hits the bag a few more times.
PETER
You know, thats why the old bag is pissed off at me. Because of that picture.
DAVE
Really?
PETER
Yeah, women are so insecure. (Almost to himself) I dont understand why shes so worked up about a picture.
<PETER gives the bag one more hard whack. Before DAVE can answer, PETER suddenly changes the subject
So, what are you here for?
DAVE
You know that money I lent you for the coffee? I think I need it.
PETER
What for?
DAVE
There’s this girl at work that I think is hot.
PETER
Sandra?
DAVE
Yeah.
PETER
What about her?
DAVE
I think I’m going to ask her out and I wanted to get her something.
PETER
She’s not involved?
DAVE
As far as I can tell.
<PETER takes off his gloves.
PETER
So, what are you going to get her? Roses?
DAVE
Naw, the sure fire one, the bear you know? Women fall always fall for that.
PETER
Yeah, I bagged my old woman that way. Hang on, I’ll go get the cash.
<PETER throws down his gloves and runs upstairs
Int: Bedroom.
<JANICE is sitting up in bed reading Glamour magazine. PETER walks into the bedroom. JANICE ignores him. PETER gives her a glance and is about to say something but decides to ignores her too. PETER walks past the bed, over to the dresser where his wallet is. PETER opens up his wallet and notices the crumbled up picture of AUDREY is on the outside. Immediately PETER realizes someone has been in his wallet and has moved the picture. Without saying a word, he looks in JANICE’s direction, and starts to yell at her, but JANICE has left the room, PETER takes some cash and leaves the bedroom taking the picture with him.
INT. In car on the cell phone.
JANICE
I know he’s no good for me.
(Pause)
Yeah I know that.
(Pause)
What am I supposed to do anyway?
(Pause)
You’re right, you’re right.
(Pause)
You know, I might actually do that. After the Reunion though.
(Pause)
What, and let people think I’ve got a bad marriage? No way!
(Pause)
Whatever. Listen, gonna get my hair done now, gotta go.
(Pause)
You’re so sweet. I’ll stop by later. Take care, okay? Kiss kiss. Bye.
<JANICE passes ELLROY and AUDREY on the road
INT: CAR
<ELLROY and AUDREY are speeding down the highway with ominous rain clouds behind them.
ELLROY
I can’t believe this is happening.
AUDREY
Yeah, me too.
ELLROY
When I wanted you to tell you family about us, I didn’t mean for something like this to be the reason.
AUDREY
I know. Thanks for coming along though. I know how much you wanted to be at the Reunion.
ELLROY
Forget the reunion, your familyis more important.
AUDREY
Thanks.
ELLROY
It’s a good thing we got the car fixed when we did, isn’t it?
AUDREY
Isn’t it?
ELLROY
Fate I suppose.
AUDREY
I suppose.
<Pause in conversation as they doppler by a car.
ELLROY
Any reason we driving so fast? We’ll have to survive if we are going to make it to Sacramento.
AUDREY
Don’t you see the storm in back of us? We’re trying to stay in front of it to avoid the rain.
ELLROY
Can we do that?
AUDREY
If we go fast enough.
<ELLROY flips down the vanity mirror to try to look behind them. He then turns his head around.
ELLROY
What storm? How can you see in the dark? Oh you mean that haze?. Is all that rain?
AUDREY
Yup, pretty amazing, isn’t it?
ELLROY
Yeah, I’ve never really seen that before.
<ELLROY nervously grabs the handle above the car door.
AUDREY
What’s the matter, driving too fast for you?
<ELLROY leans over to look at the speedometer. AUDREY leans forward and kisses ELLROY while driving.
ELLROY
Hey, watch the road!
AUDREY
I am, I am…. So, am I going too fast for you?
ELLROY
Only as fast as I like it.
<We focus on the speedometer to show 100 MPH.
ELLROY
Do you think your parents will like me?
AUDREY
What do you mean “will like,” they’ve known you practically forever.
ELLROY
Forever is a little extreme, don’t you think? I mean we’ve only known each other since high school.
AUDREY
Okay. So eight years, give or take a couple of months. Still, they’ve always thought you were the greatest guy.
ELLROY
That was when we were just friends though.
AUDREY
(smile fades)
Yeah, I guess that’s true. But now we’re more than just that now…
<ELLROY reaches out to AUDREY. She notices and clasps his hand with hers. Her smile returns, softer now.
I don’t know. Dad’s mellowed out quite a bit in the past couple of years. In fact, we’ve been getting along rather well, really. It’s Mom that we should be worried about. She’s still so traditional.
ELLROY
You’re mother’s okay.
AUDREY
She frustrates me a lot, though. She won’t accept the fact that she is living in America now. I mean look, she won’t drive anything but a Honda.
ELLROY
Come on. A lot of people won’t. They don’t have to be Japanese to think like that. Look at my parents, we’re Chinese, and all we ever buy are Hondas too. There’s got to be more than that. What else frustrates you about her?
AUDREY
She won’t speak English to anyone unless she absolutely has to, and even then she pretends that she doesn’t understand when they talk back to her.
ELLROY
At least she can speak English though, my aunt in Chinatown refuses even to try to learn.
AUDREY
But my Mom won’t even go and talk to the neighbors, she just sits with her crony Japanese friends, play mahjong, and talk about the old days in Japan.
ELLROY
She’s probably more comfortable with her friends. It’s probably been hard for her to come over to America and start a new life and everything.
AUDREY
Hey, whose side are you on anyway?
ELLROY
Sorry, sorry, I just don’t think your mother is all that bad.
AUDREY
Bad enough. She does everything so Japanese.
ELLROY
Sooo, I guess she wants you to marry Japanese too, doesn’t she?
<A tear rolls down Audrey’s cheek. She is quiet, then she blows up.
AUDREY
It’s not fair though! Its just not fair!
<The car swerves sharply to the left. Ellroy lets go of Audrey’s hand and she struggles to bring the car under control. After they do, they are silent a bit.
AUDREY
Sorry about that.
ELLROY
Its okay. Although, we’re going to have to make it to Irvine in one piece if we are going to try and make this whole thing work out.
<Audrey laughs aloud and gives him a sidelong glance.
AUDREY
Are you mocking me? You’re mocking me aren’t you.
ELLROY
Who me? Mock you?
AUDREY
Yeah you. You’re still mock me.
<She scrunched her lips together and let go of the steering wheel with one hand and punches him in the shoulder.
ELLROY
Ow!
AUDREY
Don’t mock me.
<Audrey shakes her finger and smiles.
ELLROY
Yes your highness.
<Ellroy pretends to bow as best as he can in the confines of the car.
AUDREY
Hey!
<Audrey tries to hit Ellroy again and the car swerves again (a good kind of swerving.)
<Sign ahead reads Sacramento next three exits.
AUDREY
I don’t know if I want to actually get home.
ELLROY
What do you mean?
AUDREY
Everything seems so perfect when its just us; Nothing else seems to matter. ITs going to be so hard when we get home, ITs not going to be just us when we get home.
ELLROY
Is it your parents that you’re worried about? Or mine? I’ve already told mine and they don’t have any problems with us. In fact, my mother said it was about time that we got together.
AUDREY
Its not that.
ELLROY
What is it that you’re afraid of?
AUDREY
Nothing really. And everything. I don’t know. I’m afraid of the whole trouble this is going to be with my parents. I’m afraid of all the people we are going to see and deal with. I’m afraid we’re not going to have any more time together.
ELLROY
Is that it? Is that what’s really bothering you? You’re afraid that we won’t have anymore time together?
<Audrey nods tearfully.
ELLROY
I’ll tell you what, I promise that we’ll be together no matter what happens. Whatever our parents might say, whatever our friends might thing, no matter how busy we might seem to get, we’ll be together. And if there really doesn’t seem to be any time in all the fracas, we’ll make the time.
AUDREY
Promise?
ELLROY
Promise.
<The rain sweeps over the car.and they hold hands as they pull off the exit.
EXT AUDREY’s house
<We next see the inside of her parent’s house and the door opens and we see a drenched Audrey and Ellroy. The angle switches to their side and we see the silhouette of their parents, a fire in the background (?) and rain coming off the eaves in the foreground.
INT JANICE and PETER’s house.
<The light blurs and we are in PETER’s and JANICE’s house. The focus is on the fireplace. A curio crashes into the fire. PETER on the bed in his Boxers on with the picture in his hand. JANICE has just come from the hairdresser’s. She has just caught him masturbating to the picture.
JANICE
How could you? How could you do this to me?!
<She picks up a Kismet Cafe mug and throws it into the fireplace.
PETER
What the hell do you mean?
JANICE
All I ever wanted was a good life.
PETER
What the fuck are you talking about?
JANICE
What are they going to say at the reunion?
PETER
Will you calm down woman!
JANICE
SHUT UP! Just shut up!
<JANICE picks up a curio of a cute couple.
PETER
It’s just a picture.
JANICE
Its not the picture, its us!
PETER
What do you mean? You know I love you.
JANICE
FUCK YOU! Fuck you, you never loved me.
<JANICE hurls the curio into the fireplace.
PETER
What started all this.
JANICE
I don’t know. Nothing, and everything.
PETER
It’ll all be okay. Look, we’ll go to Monterey, You like it there right?
JANICE
(sobbing)
That’s not going to help.
PETER
What do you mean?
JANICE
I cheated on you! Okay? I CHEATED ON YOU!
PETER
What?
JANICE
I didn’t mean for it to happen, it just did! I was mad.
PETER
I…
JANICE
Don’t say anything.
PETER
(quietly)
I guess this makes us even then.
JANICE
Don’t you see? We don’t work together, we don’t talk together, we don’t even sleep together.
PETER
We can work this out.
JANICE
No we can’t.
PETER
Don’t say that, we did before, we’ll do it again.
JANICE
DAMNIT!
<Janice hurls a magazine into the fireplace. It roars then quiets.
Its over honey, its over.
PETER
I love you though.
<JANICE touches PETER’s cheek.
JANICE
I love you too, honey.
<PETER turns his head away sharply.
PETER
What, you going to leave me for that guy?
JANICE
No, I just need to get away, I just need some space to think for a while.
PETER
How are you going to get by?
JANICE
I don’t know, I don’t know.
<JANICE moves to the door. PETER stops her.
PETER
Don’t go.
JANICE
I have to.
PETER
We can work this out.
JANICE
No we can’t, we’d just hurt each other again. Its over.
<JANICE closes the door. PETER in impotent rage and anguish stares at the door then notices he is still holding AUDREY’s picture. In a single motion PETER crumples the picture and hurls it into the fireplace, where it slowly burns away. In the background we see PETER crying to himself.
EXT On the road.
<CALVIN slams the car door, looks under his smoking hood, looks at his watch, slams the hood and starts running with flowers in his hands.
INT YUKI’s apartment
<YUKI is in her apartment packed and looking at her watch. Her Father comes in and tells her it is time to go (all silent) she looks at her watch and out the window.
EXT On the road.
<CALVIN runs past several landmarks including Kismet Cafe and steps into the dog droppings from the first scene. He swears to himself, trys wiping it off, then keeps running.
EXT YUKI’s apartment
YUKI looks down the road then gets into the car. The car drives off. CALVIN finally ends up at YUKI’s apartment moments later. He knocks on the door, but no one answers. He tries the knob, it opens and he goes in.
INT YUKI’s apartment
The apartment is empty. CALVIN slumps to the ground at the doorway. Then he sees on the window sill a Kismet Cafe mug and the word “Kismet” written in the condensation on the window.
EXT Road to skyline.
We see the back of the car carrying YUKI pull away.
EXT YUKI’s apartment
CALVIN leaves the apartment cradling the mug.
INT: OFFICE BUILDING
<We see the same terminal screen as in the first scene.
BILL
So you didn’t go? What happened to Dave?
SANDY
It was too weird. I was all set to ask him like you said, but then he shows up with this stupid teddy bear and asked me out.
BILL
A what?
SANDY
A teddy bear, as if that was supposed to make me melt for him. I guess he was a dork after all.
BILL
I guess so. Anyway I have to go. I’ll tlak to you same time tommorrow. Okay?
SANDY
Okay.
BILL
I muv you!
<SANDY appears perplexed at what she sees on the screen.
SANDY
I muv you too.
*FINIS*