Discorporation

Begun November 12, 2020, finished November 13, 2020

There are days where keeping my self to gether seems too great, 
And the molecules that make me me start to discorporate, 
And float away from one another.
Keeping it to gether is such an effort,
Like a lost-parched soul on a Saharan desert,
Or a wave-crashed boat without a rudder.

Other days I have this slow leak,
Where my soul feels as though it seeps,
Out of my pores and out of my head.
And though the feeling makes me meek,
I don’t think this thing makes me weak,
I just can’t seem to get to bed.

In the night when I am sleepy, 
Unable to rest and feeling weepy, 
I sit in the deafening quiet of a sleeping house.
And though it might seem creepy, 
The settling house, a little creaky, 
I contemplate my life and all of my doubts. .

And with wonder I write this letter 
Even though, I should know better, 
Because it brings solace to my heart
And I blunder, not knowing whether, 
As I grasp onto this life-tether, 
This connection that keeps me from coming apart.

A little anger burns inside of me,
No matter how I try or if I plea, 
I can’t seem to tame it
And when it lights inside,
I can’t control myself in my plight,
And I try hard not to blame it.

Is love something so grand, 
Or is it just a speck of sand, 
Whatever it is, I cannot say.
And what I know, I know is this,
And though, I could make a list,
I know it will never go away.

Someone to lean on, 
Not someone to cling upon, 
A friend and lee in this bad weather.
Someone to talk to, 
To let go, and relax to,
And not try so hard to keep it together

I feel broken and unstable,
As someone who is not able,
To control their emotions or their feelings.
I don’t seem to be able,
To keep the molecules from becoming unstable,
So I drift apart without any meaning.

Each day is a precarious balance,
Feeling each day, your profound absence,
I hold my breath, waiting for a breeze to knock me over.
And you should know, if this an adage,
That through life, you drag along baggage,
Be glad it is a bag and not a boulder.