Erin and Albert…

Elia Turns One. Elia has not decided to walk yet, but on December 9th, Albert witnessed Elia standing by herself (rather he stood her up and she didn’t fall). December 10th is the official day, because – Erin says it didn’t count if she didn’t see it. Elia stands in spite of herself is probably a better description. she can balance when you put her in a standing position, but sits down to crawl immediately after when she is interested in something else.

Elia has five teeth, three teeth for most of the month, two top one bottom, and on her birthday two more breaking through one on top and one on the bottom. She will have the same little gap Curie does. With Curie, teeth began coming in, but with Elia, her second tooth was actually bloody (which Albert has always wondered why they weren’t) but the others have been without incident, we think her first tooth on the bottom cut the gum letting the second tooth come in. Yes a little explicit, so here is the cute thing,  Curie likes to brush them, infants have a little training brush you put on your finger, and Curie likes brushing Elia’s teeth (more than she does brushing her own).

People said that we would take fewer pictures of our second, which obviously became a challenge to Albert. But it is true, there were fewer pictures even at the beginning because there were two children to take care of, not because we cared any less nor that we did not try any harder. The days are consumed with the routine and the stress; being worn out day-to-day is balanced by the excitement of discovery, and the joy of unadulterated love. Someone told Erin recently that the second child is harder than the third or fourth because they become old enough to help at that point – it is hard to imagine. Our friends with two say you can play man-to-man, and that playing zone would be so much harder. In any case, Elia also has a picture every day for the first year, and starting next month (even though we will continue to try to take a picture a day) we will switch to the six picture collage that we have been using for Curie.

This month, as mentioned, we went to California for Thanksgiving, where Albert’s parents saw Elia for the first time, she developed separation anxiety there but was good with Albert’s mom, by the time we went to Massachusetts to visit, Erin’s parents, it was in full bore where Elia needed to have “Muh-muh” or “Dadada” (by the way, not real words yet, just sounds she makes when we are around) instead of others. In Marshfield, Elia became particularly attached to Albert, seeking him out and wanting to be held by him. In Disneyland, Small World was Elia’s favorite ride, she was on her feet holding the bar rocking most of the trip.

Elia likes taking an empty confection can, or cup and say “aaah” into it, probably because it makes such a good vibrating sound. Albert likes to make whatever noise Elia is making (even if it means screaming nose-to-nose in glee at a supermarket), so Albert took the cup and copied her, then gave the cup back. THEN, Elia made her noise for a while and handed the cup back to Albert to play again. She and Albert traded this (at 10 PM mind you) for nine or ten times. Now if you want her to play you just get an empty cup and watch her smile before she begins the game again. She does play the drop-the-thing-so-you-can-pick-it-up game, but not nearly as much as the cup game.

Elia went to holiday parties at both Erin and Albert’s work charming people as she went. She is a good traveler like Curie, and loved the Sky Club lounge because she could wander off in relative safety. She still wants to play with whatever toy Curie is playing with (and she will for years to come) triggering the “no Elia!” response from Curie. Both kids want Mommy when they are tired or frustrated, which makes bed time especially hard for Erin. Like Curie at the same age, she likes to say “lalalalala” put things into containers and take them out again,

Friday was Elia’s birthday and we while we took Curie to school, we took Elia to lunch by herself so that she could have some uninterrupted Mommy and Daddy time. We  gave her her first taste of cake at lunch, which she loved (Curie on her first birthday was unsure so passed her smash cake out to everyone). That evening, we went to a restaurant, opened presents, and had a cake with Julie and Steve; every present became Curie’s new toy (only because it was new) for a while Elia was truly happy to have new toys of her own, nearly beaning us in the head with the giraffe.

Tomorrow we had planned to have a bigger celebration with friends (it is also Albert’s birthday) but it is a little touch and go right now with Erin’s Nana so we are waiting to see how things turn out. It was beautiful seeing Nana hold Elia, when we went up earlier; they got to spend some time together and it was heart felt seeing them span the generations. In times like this, holding your children close and understanding that aging is balanced by new life is some consolation: “baby therapy” we call it, but it is a little more, it is the understanding that we are part of a bigger continuum and there is solace in that. We have sat awake many a night watching our children sleep, sometimes in the glow of late night television soothing the infant, or whichever one is fussier, the warmth of holding them reminds us of the miracles they are and the importance of being grateful for what we have.

We are praying for you Nana.

 

 

Elia turns 11 months. Let’s tell a secret; when you have your first child, you are indeed full of wonder and joy, fear and anxiety, and yes, with the second, you have some experience and are a little less, shall we say – present. The demands of two children does mean you have less time to spend with the second – but this is not the secret… At age 11 months, poised to be a year, so quickly that you cannot believe it has happened, you spend an hour with your daughter all alone without your spouse and the almost-not-a-baby-anymore melts your heart.

With one child, there is just the one to love (pets, extended family, friends, and even the spouse take a second seat), with the second, you take your eye off while managing your time trying to get everything done. Take the time now, before they are sixteen and forget their unconditional love for you, even if you forget from time to time to appreciate them, find the time to fall in love with your daughter on its most fundamental level all over again. Having been wrapped up in two kids, a job, and a spouse, it is normal to forget, but that makes the time when you remember to do so, so much more special. This entry is written not from the view of a parent in love, but of a parent in love all over again.

Elia’s hair has gotten just long enough to find its personality, a big shock of sometimes curly hair that neatly frames her ears and face. She stands just tall enough to grab a cup full of juice from our Ikea table and dump it on her face trying to drink. She forgets to hold on to something and totters a second before finding the floor with her bottom. She is just awkward enough to miss her mouth feeding herself with scrambled egg – but just coordinated enough to look to see where it has fallen. She is at a delightful awkward age.

She is unbearably cute rediscovering her pacifier, discovering that she can share and pass things to you (only to take them right back), and sleeping soundlessly on your chest. She kneels readily now, is starting to stand and will soon begin to walk a few steps. She is pathetic, as she stands at the bathtub while you shower because she wants to get in too. All of us, especially Curie, beam with pride when Elia climbs up the steps and we breathe in sharply when she stumbles and we catch her. “Little one,” says Curie, “I love her so much (when she isn’t saying “no Elia!).”

(Kids, when you are poring over these blog entries to see which parent loved which child more, the cliche of “I loved them the same”, is not true, some days are more than others, but the total sum of love to each child comes out to about the same, so in that sense, we love you both the same.)

Elia follows awkwardly along the couch to where you are lying on the ground; she wants to pat you the way you pat her when you are telling her you love her. She pats with one hand and an unadulterated and guileless smile. Her finger is in your eye, her thumb is in your nose, her hand is sticky from her mouth, and you can smell the apple she was holding a while ago. She smiles her one bottom tooth with a love that cannot be matched. It is a moment to savor, and it is a chance to fall in love all over again. That, by the way, is the secret.