We normally blog in third person so that it there is a consistency in the writing, but here is one that I wrote in first person that I really wanted the kids to read some day. I want them to know that though we often wish it weren’t, parenting is often survival and getting through the day. Today, thankfully, was not one of those days.
I’ve been very tired and tonight, I was lying in bed in the guest room with Elia who was waving around an artificial flower from IKEA, I was just about to ask her to stop, because it might be dangerous, when the end of it went snap right in my eye; it hurt like crazy, and in a fit of pique I began to yank the flower from her hand. Elia started crying. I then demanded that she give it to me and she dutifully surrendered the flower. I asked her if it was an accident and, if it was, that she should say sorry.
Elia just kept crying. I wanted her to know it was important to say sorry when it was an accident and so turned off her show that we were watching so that we could focus on the lesson at hand. When she wouldn’t respond, I told her it was time to sleep and shut off the lights, and the crying continued. Erin was on her way up with Curie and Elia ran out of the guestroom and climbed into bed with Erin and Curie, crying the whole time.
I took the flower and want to the room and asked Elia to look at me. She wouldn’t and kept crying. So I lay next to her, gave her back the flower and said:
“Elia, I am sorry I took your flower, it was wrong of me. When you hit me in the eye, it really hurt and I wanted you to say sorry because I know it was an accident. The reality is that I took away your flower because I got mad when I shouldn’t have, it was only an accident, so I need to say sorry to you.”
Elia stopped crying and took the flower and began to wave it around. I said, “when you wave the flower around it comes close to hitting Mommy or me, is a flower a good thing to have in the bed?”
She said, “no.”
“What should we do with it? Should we put it away so that we can play with it in the morning?”
She nodded and gave me the flower. I said, “I have an idea,” and took the flower to the foot of the bed and wedged it between the mattress and the foot board, wrapped some clothes around it like soil and pretended to water the flower with a pillow. I asked her for a hug and she made me hug her instead of coming to my arms. After hugging her, we lay next to each other and at the flower at the end of the bed, it was drooping a little so Elia got up and replanted and re-watered. When Elia was done, she walked across the bed again and this time she gave me a big hug and we lay down again to look at the flower before bed.
The thing is this, I was wrong and almost taught the wrong lesson. She knows she should say sorry when she accidentally does something or hurts someone. In reacting the way I did, I accidentally hurt her and I thank goodness that I had the presence of mind to realize it before the hurt was too much generalized away into a bit of resentment. Some of you will say that she is three and that she would have forgotten and or forgiven, which is probably true, but I try to live as I want them to and the mistake was mine.
10 21 2017